Where I went wrong - Finding Myself
Too Much Pressure on Myself
I always put too much pressure on myself, put too much on my plate, and try to expand too quickly.
To be honest this is a fault that I have throughout my entire life. Let's go way back for when I was growing up. I always expected myself to have straight A's . I expected myself to get on the volleyball team . I expected myself to be the best at everything. Then what ends up happening is I put too much pressure on myself , and then I get disappointed and stressed out .
Jumping forward a few years, I put so much pressure on myself in junior college that I ended up getting shingles . Yes that is right . From my understanding the doctor was telling me that I had too much stress going on in my life that my body shut down and became subject to the virus . Now let me tell you that did not stop me from continuing on with all the pressure . I still worked my full-time job and I still was taking 20 units at college . The sad part of this entire thing is that I was proud that I was pushing myself through having shingles and still doing all the things that I normally dead . What I really needed was to sleep, to rest, and to really take care of myself . I didn't even understand the idea of what it meant to take care of yourself or to have self love .
Jumping forward another couple years I went to Fresno State University . I did this in order to get my BS degree in geomatics engineering . She is one of the hardest degrees out there . So not only did I decide to take one of the hardest degrees and Crush that oh, I also decided that I was going to take 22 to 26 units every semester because I wanted to graduate in four and a half years . Now if you want to talk about putting pressure on yourself, unnecessary pressure, this is it .
Fast forward a few years, and I got my career . After that I ended up creating this blog . I wanted this blog as like an outlet. I wanted to be able to just speak my truth, to talk the way I normally talk and not worry about what other people are going to think. This was really meant to be an outlet for me because my career is very politically correct. I have to make sure that I don't say the wrong things or else I'm going to offend someone. I needed to be able to have a spot where I could be myself. That's why this blog was created. It was also created to help Inspire others, to help motivate others to be their best self, to share delicious recipes that I've found along the way, and to show people that it is not difficult to travel and see cool things.
I know all of this is just for fun right? Well wrong! I put all the pressure on myself which is what gets me into my unrealistic expectations .
Man did I put some expectations on this blog it wasn't even funny. It started off with just a fun thing to do whenever I had a spare moment I could blog something that was inspirational or something that was on my mind. What I ended up doing was creating all these unrealistic expectations for this blog.
I started creating products for people to buy which was not ever on my mind oh, but what I was saying is that there was a potential to be able to quit my day job and become full-time with this blogging Journey . So all the pressure started and all the unrealistic expectations started .
I started to think that I needed to grow a following, I started to think that I needed to get a certain amount of subscribers on my newsletter, I started to think that I needed to get a certain amount of views on my website , and so much more . I ended up even setting goals, yes I sent number goals. Meaning I ended up setting goals for the amount of followers that I wanted to have at the end of the year. I ended up setting goals for the number of newsletter subscribers that I wanted to have. I ended up setting goals for the number of likes and comments and all the things.
Which all of this created just an unrealistic expectation. I expected this blog to blow up . Maybe I didn't expect it but I really did want it. When it wasn't happening I started all the negative self-talk .
Negative Self Talk
Oh man am I mean to myself. With all the pressure that I put on myself and all that unrealistic expectations that I put on this blog I started the worst negative self-talk that I can even start to describe. The worst negative self-talk that I've ever experienced. Now I see you guys know I am not nice to myself. It is something that I'm really working on this year, but last year was the absolute worst it's ever been.
With my blog not blowing up like I had hoped it would do, would not be coming this overnight success like everybody always says happy, I begin to wonder what the heck was wrong with me? I guess people don't like me... I guess I'm not good enough... I'm not pretty enough... I'm not skinny enough... I'm too dumb... The list goes on and on and on .
With all this negative self-talk I became very discouraged about this blog . I created a few recipe posts and I scheduled them out in order to give myself a break. It's funny even just saying that because it was a break from something that I wanted to do and something that was meant to be fun . How ridiculous is that?
Anyways I gave myself this break to kind of step back and re-evaluate. What actually ended up happening was I gave up . I continued my negative self-talk, and every time I thought about creating a post I wondered why the heck would I do that? What is the point in even trying? It's not like you're good enough anyways... No one wants to hear what you have to say... No one cares about your story...
So ultimately I convinced myself to never post again . It is still something that's been in the back of my mind all year long . I think about it constantly and each time I convinced myself that I shouldn't blog . Until I began the journey to finding myself . This year I am determined to become the person that I used to be , the person that I know I'm supposed to be , and the person that I want to be.
So here I am sharing with you the journey to finding myself. Sharing with you how I royally screwed up with this blog . Sharing with you really where I went wrong and why I stopped posting . So for those of you that are following along in my journey I apologize . I am sorry for leaving this blog alone , But ultimately I think it needed to happen . I want to thank you for sticking with me and for all your encouragement . So here I am trying again , this time I am not going to make the same mistakes . This time I'm going to stick to my core on why I started this blog .
To share my adventures
To share yummy recipes
To inspire others
To help people realize that adventuring and traveling doesn't mean that you have to spend boat loads of money.
As you know, I am on a path to become my best self. If you want to join me along with this journey, and this adventure, my Beach Body Coach ID is 1909634 . So head on over to Beach Body on Demand, sign up, and add me as your coach by using the Coach Id or searching my name Bessie Young (firstname.lastname@example.org).
We can do this thang together!